In addition to the two governor’s races going on, there is one other race that seems to be pinging people’s radars, the NY-23 race. Earlier in the year the sitting congressman, John McHugh (R), resigned to accept the Secretary of the Army position. Democrats nominated a man named Bill Owens. The Republicans had a nasty little fight and ended up nominating a fairly liberal Republican named Dede Scozzafava. Ms. Scozzafava’s connections to the more liberal elements were deemed untenable by the more fiscally conservative people in the district and they have subsequently rallied around Douglas Hoffman of the Conservative Party.
The fight has become a bit more nationalized and represents a legitimate question that has been raised through the Tea Party movement: If the Republican Party leadership continues to push Democrat-lite candidates, is it better to back more conservative third party candidates, even if it means they might lose to the Democrat?
It is difficult to say what will happen at this point. A poll taken on Wednesday showed Owens with a 5-point lead. However, a subsequent poll taken over the weekend showed Hoffman with a 4-point lead. It will probably mostly come down to turnout. Special elections are worse than off-year elections where usually only the impassioned people turn out to vote. That would seem to give Hoffman a fighting chance, as the mindless R or D voters would be that much more likely to stay home.
I’m somewhat skeptical that CNN or any other news network will pay much attention to this race so I will have to troll the interwebs on election night to see what kind of results are expected.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
How It Should Have Ended
These are absolutely hilarious. I think the Star Wars: Episode IV is my favorite
Everything's A-OK... from Hamas?
While I think we can applaud the effort, this venture does put Ernie and Bert into grave danger.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Evil Dictator Rules
I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me — I’ll do it myself.
I will not waste time making my enemy’s death look like an accident — I’m not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn’t believe it.
I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word “mercy”; I simply choose not show them any.
My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he’s caused.
If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.
Even though I don’t really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won’t tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.
Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.
I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.
I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero’s party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.
I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed.
I will not rely entirely upon “totally reliable” spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans.
I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.
I will never accept a challenge from the hero.
I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers are dead.
If I capture the hero’s starship, I will keep it in the landing bay with the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty and a ton of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the blast-range.
No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling “Leave him. He’s mine!”
If I have equipment which performs an important function, it will not be activated by a lever that someone could trigger by accidentally falling on when fatally wounded.
I will not attempt to kill the hero by placing a venomous creature in his room. It will just wind up accidentally killing one of my clumsy henchmen instead.
Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to fire one more shot than the standard issue.
If I come into possession of an artifact which can only be used by the pure of heart, I will not attempt to use it regardless.
The gun turrets on my fortress will not rotate enough so that they may direct fire inward or at each other.
If I decide to hold a contest of skill open to the general public, contestants will be required to remove their hooded cloaks and shave their beards before entering.
Prior to kidnapping an older male scientist and forcing him to work for me, I will investigate his offspring and make sure that he has neither a beautiful but naive daughter who is willing to risk anything to get him back, nor an estranged son who works in the same field but had a falling-out with his father many years ago.
Should I actually decide to kill the hero in an elaborate escape-proof deathtrap room (water filling up, sand pouring down, walls converging, etc.) I will not leave him alone five-to-ten minutes prior to “imminent” death, but will instead (finding a vantage point or monitoring camera) stick around and enjoy watching my adversary’s demise.
Rather than having only one secret escape pod, which the hero can easily spot and follow, I’ll simultaneously launch a few dozen decoys to throw him off track.
Prison guards will have their own cantina featuring a wide variety of tasty treats that will deliver snacks to the guards while on duty. The guards will also be informed that accepting food or drink from any other source will result in execution.
I will not employ robots as agents of destruction if there is any possible way that they can be re-programmed or if their battery packs are externally mounted and easily removable.
Despite the delicious irony, I will not force two heroes to fight each other in the arena.
All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.
I will never place the key to a cell just out of a prisoner’s reach.
Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will conduct a thorough background investigation and security clearance.
If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has been associating with the hero, I’ll have her executed. It’s regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new fortresses and maybe the next one will pay attention at the orientation meeting.
If I am escaping in a large truck and the hero is pursuing me in a small Italian sports car, I will not wait for the hero to pull up along side of me and try to force him off the road as he attempts to climb aboard. Instead I will slam on the brakes when he’s directly behind me. (A rudimentary knowledge of physics can prove quite useful.)
My doomsday machine will have a highly-advanced technological device called a capacitor in case someone inconveniently pulls the plug at the last second. (If I have access to REALLY advanced technology, I will include a back-up device known as a battery.)
If I build a bomb, I will simply remember which wire to cut if it has to be deactivated and make every wire red.
Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture, I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could use the extra budget.
The passageways to and within my domain will be well-lit with fluorescent lighting. Regrettably, the spooky atmosphere will be lost, but my security patrols will be more effective.
If I’m sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)
I will instruct my guards when checking a cell that appears empty to look for the chamber pot. If the chamber pot is still there, then the prisoner has escaped and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it or else he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is obviously deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there’s no point in entering.
As an alternative to not having children, I will have lots of children. My sons will be too busy jockeying for position to ever be a real threat, and the daughters will all sabotage each other’s attempts to win the hero.
If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep my three-year-old granddaughter near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it is necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation of morality way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords and it’s important to spend quality time with the grandkids.
If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his honor.
I will order my guards to stand in a line when they shoot at the hero so he cannot duck and have them accidentally shoot each other. Also, I will order some to aim above, below, and to the sides so he cannot jump out of the way.
My dungeon cell decor will not feature exposed pipes. While they add to the gloomy atmosphere, they are good conductors of vibrations and a lot of prisoners know Morse code.
If my surveillance reports any unmanned or seemingly innocent ships found where they are not supposed to be, they will be immediately vaporized instead of brought in for salvage.
I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will be awarded posthumously.
Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn’t possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn’t possibly work.
Ropes supporting various fixtures will not be tied next to open windows or staircases, and chandeliers will be hung way at the top of the ceiling.
I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs so my choices are not limited to “hand to hand combat with swords” and “blow up the planet”.
I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is reserved for my trusted lieutenant.
I will instruct my fashion designer that when it comes to accessorizing, second-chance body armor goes well with every outfit.
My Legions of Terror will be an equal-opportunity employer. Conversely, when it is prophesized that no man can defeat me, I will keep in mind the increasing number of non-traditional gender roles.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror in proper search techniques. In particular, if they are searching for escapees and someone shouts, “Quick! They went that way!”, they must first ascertain the identity of this helpful informant before dashing off in hot pursuit.
If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.
If I have the hero and his party trapped, I will not wait until my Superweapon charges to finish them off if more conventional means are available.
Whenever plans are drawn up that include a time-table, I’ll post-date the completion 3 days after it’s actually scheduled to occur and not worry too much if they get stolen.
I will not waste time making my enemy’s death look like an accident — I’m not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn’t believe it.
I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word “mercy”; I simply choose not show them any.
My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he’s caused.
If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.
Even though I don’t really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won’t tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.
Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.
I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.
I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero’s party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.
I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed.
I will not rely entirely upon “totally reliable” spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans.
I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.
I will never accept a challenge from the hero.
I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers are dead.
If I capture the hero’s starship, I will keep it in the landing bay with the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty and a ton of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the blast-range.
No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling “Leave him. He’s mine!”
If I have equipment which performs an important function, it will not be activated by a lever that someone could trigger by accidentally falling on when fatally wounded.
I will not attempt to kill the hero by placing a venomous creature in his room. It will just wind up accidentally killing one of my clumsy henchmen instead.
Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to fire one more shot than the standard issue.
If I come into possession of an artifact which can only be used by the pure of heart, I will not attempt to use it regardless.
The gun turrets on my fortress will not rotate enough so that they may direct fire inward or at each other.
If I decide to hold a contest of skill open to the general public, contestants will be required to remove their hooded cloaks and shave their beards before entering.
Prior to kidnapping an older male scientist and forcing him to work for me, I will investigate his offspring and make sure that he has neither a beautiful but naive daughter who is willing to risk anything to get him back, nor an estranged son who works in the same field but had a falling-out with his father many years ago.
Should I actually decide to kill the hero in an elaborate escape-proof deathtrap room (water filling up, sand pouring down, walls converging, etc.) I will not leave him alone five-to-ten minutes prior to “imminent” death, but will instead (finding a vantage point or monitoring camera) stick around and enjoy watching my adversary’s demise.
Rather than having only one secret escape pod, which the hero can easily spot and follow, I’ll simultaneously launch a few dozen decoys to throw him off track.
Prison guards will have their own cantina featuring a wide variety of tasty treats that will deliver snacks to the guards while on duty. The guards will also be informed that accepting food or drink from any other source will result in execution.
I will not employ robots as agents of destruction if there is any possible way that they can be re-programmed or if their battery packs are externally mounted and easily removable.
Despite the delicious irony, I will not force two heroes to fight each other in the arena.
All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.
I will never place the key to a cell just out of a prisoner’s reach.
Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will conduct a thorough background investigation and security clearance.
If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has been associating with the hero, I’ll have her executed. It’s regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new fortresses and maybe the next one will pay attention at the orientation meeting.
If I am escaping in a large truck and the hero is pursuing me in a small Italian sports car, I will not wait for the hero to pull up along side of me and try to force him off the road as he attempts to climb aboard. Instead I will slam on the brakes when he’s directly behind me. (A rudimentary knowledge of physics can prove quite useful.)
My doomsday machine will have a highly-advanced technological device called a capacitor in case someone inconveniently pulls the plug at the last second. (If I have access to REALLY advanced technology, I will include a back-up device known as a battery.)
If I build a bomb, I will simply remember which wire to cut if it has to be deactivated and make every wire red.
Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture, I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could use the extra budget.
The passageways to and within my domain will be well-lit with fluorescent lighting. Regrettably, the spooky atmosphere will be lost, but my security patrols will be more effective.
If I’m sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)
I will instruct my guards when checking a cell that appears empty to look for the chamber pot. If the chamber pot is still there, then the prisoner has escaped and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it or else he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is obviously deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there’s no point in entering.
As an alternative to not having children, I will have lots of children. My sons will be too busy jockeying for position to ever be a real threat, and the daughters will all sabotage each other’s attempts to win the hero.
If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep my three-year-old granddaughter near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it is necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation of morality way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords and it’s important to spend quality time with the grandkids.
If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his honor.
I will order my guards to stand in a line when they shoot at the hero so he cannot duck and have them accidentally shoot each other. Also, I will order some to aim above, below, and to the sides so he cannot jump out of the way.
My dungeon cell decor will not feature exposed pipes. While they add to the gloomy atmosphere, they are good conductors of vibrations and a lot of prisoners know Morse code.
If my surveillance reports any unmanned or seemingly innocent ships found where they are not supposed to be, they will be immediately vaporized instead of brought in for salvage.
I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will be awarded posthumously.
Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn’t possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn’t possibly work.
Ropes supporting various fixtures will not be tied next to open windows or staircases, and chandeliers will be hung way at the top of the ceiling.
I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs so my choices are not limited to “hand to hand combat with swords” and “blow up the planet”.
I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is reserved for my trusted lieutenant.
I will instruct my fashion designer that when it comes to accessorizing, second-chance body armor goes well with every outfit.
My Legions of Terror will be an equal-opportunity employer. Conversely, when it is prophesized that no man can defeat me, I will keep in mind the increasing number of non-traditional gender roles.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror in proper search techniques. In particular, if they are searching for escapees and someone shouts, “Quick! They went that way!”, they must first ascertain the identity of this helpful informant before dashing off in hot pursuit.
If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.
If I have the hero and his party trapped, I will not wait until my Superweapon charges to finish them off if more conventional means are available.
Whenever plans are drawn up that include a time-table, I’ll post-date the completion 3 days after it’s actually scheduled to occur and not worry too much if they get stolen.
Monday, October 12, 2009
LCS Time
Well, I'm 1-2 in the baseball playoffs so far. Some of that was colored by wishful thinking (at least concerning St. Louis). But the Dodgers, Yankees, and Angels have all advanced in sweeps and I only picked the Yankees. I picked the Phillies and they are up 2-1 with game 4 tonight. So I might end the first round 2-2.
While I would love to see the Angels win, I still think the Yankees are just the better team (and with the better pitching). I would pick the Yankees in 6. Game 1 is Friday with the match-ups scheduled as Sabathia (NY) vs Lackey (Ana).
As far as LA, if the Rockies win, LA shouldn't have too much difficulty taking them out. Philadelphia has better pitching and I would favor them in a seven game series.
If we are destined to get the Yankees in the World Series, I would like to see the Dodgers match up against them. Not that I like the Dodgers (I actually significantly dislike them due to my Padres loyalties) but I do like Joe Torre and I would like to see him take down the team that dumped him.
But that's the next round and we are not there yet.
While I would love to see the Angels win, I still think the Yankees are just the better team (and with the better pitching). I would pick the Yankees in 6. Game 1 is Friday with the match-ups scheduled as Sabathia (NY) vs Lackey (Ana).
As far as LA, if the Rockies win, LA shouldn't have too much difficulty taking them out. Philadelphia has better pitching and I would favor them in a seven game series.
If we are destined to get the Yankees in the World Series, I would like to see the Dodgers match up against them. Not that I like the Dodgers (I actually significantly dislike them due to my Padres loyalties) but I do like Joe Torre and I would like to see him take down the team that dumped him.
But that's the next round and we are not there yet.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
2009 Postseason
Baseball playoffs start tonight. Some would argue that they started last night, but that was technically a play-in game. Minnesota defeated Detroit 6-5 in 12 innings to capture the Central Division crown. It was quite a good game. Some bad plays were made and it would be hard to argue whether it was truly a Minnesota win or a Detroit loss. Still it made for a compelling game and it’s just one more reason we all will miss the Metrodome once they tear it down at the end of the Twin’s season.
My original assumption was that since the play-in game had to be pushed back to Tuesday (due to the Vikings using the Metrodome on Monday), that the winner would play the Yankees on Thursday (both NL games are played today but only one AL game). However, the rules of baseball apparently state that the team with the best record get’s to choose if there is an option. So the Yankees were given the option of playing today or tomorrow and of course they chose to play today to try and take advantage of an exhausted Twins team. So Boston and Anaheim won’t play until tomorrow.
It’s hard to say how each match-up will go. The Yankees beat the Twins every time they played this year and the Yankees are rested while Minnesota is tired and emotionally drained. One would expect a sweep, but I could see the Twins making a series out of it. Likewise Anaheim is a very good team, but they can’t seem to be able to beat Boston; both in the regular season and in the playoffs. That would make it seem logical to immediately jump to a Boston-New York ALCS. I’d rather see a Minnesota-Boston ALCS, but that’s just my own personal preference.
On the National League side, things are a little more muddled. St. Louis plays the Dodgers while Colorado takes on the Phillies. St. Louis had the edge on Los Angeles during the regular season and the Dodgers were playing .500 ball at best during the last month of the season. Still, there is a scrappiness about the Dodgers that I can’t quite shake. The Cardinals may win, but I think it would be a very hard-fought win. On the other side of the coin, I have no idea who will win between Colorado and Philadelphia. Both teams come in playing well and both teams have a knack for finding ways to win. If forced to guess, I would lean toward Philadelphia just because of the experience. Colorado was in the World Series only two years ago, but the fact that the Phillies are defending champions gives them just a bit more of an edge in my mind. That would give us a St. Louis-Philadelphia NLCS and that would be fine with me.
Three years ago I went 0-7 in predicting the series outcomes. Let’s see how bad I do this year.
My original assumption was that since the play-in game had to be pushed back to Tuesday (due to the Vikings using the Metrodome on Monday), that the winner would play the Yankees on Thursday (both NL games are played today but only one AL game). However, the rules of baseball apparently state that the team with the best record get’s to choose if there is an option. So the Yankees were given the option of playing today or tomorrow and of course they chose to play today to try and take advantage of an exhausted Twins team. So Boston and Anaheim won’t play until tomorrow.
It’s hard to say how each match-up will go. The Yankees beat the Twins every time they played this year and the Yankees are rested while Minnesota is tired and emotionally drained. One would expect a sweep, but I could see the Twins making a series out of it. Likewise Anaheim is a very good team, but they can’t seem to be able to beat Boston; both in the regular season and in the playoffs. That would make it seem logical to immediately jump to a Boston-New York ALCS. I’d rather see a Minnesota-Boston ALCS, but that’s just my own personal preference.
On the National League side, things are a little more muddled. St. Louis plays the Dodgers while Colorado takes on the Phillies. St. Louis had the edge on Los Angeles during the regular season and the Dodgers were playing .500 ball at best during the last month of the season. Still, there is a scrappiness about the Dodgers that I can’t quite shake. The Cardinals may win, but I think it would be a very hard-fought win. On the other side of the coin, I have no idea who will win between Colorado and Philadelphia. Both teams come in playing well and both teams have a knack for finding ways to win. If forced to guess, I would lean toward Philadelphia just because of the experience. Colorado was in the World Series only two years ago, but the fact that the Phillies are defending champions gives them just a bit more of an edge in my mind. That would give us a St. Louis-Philadelphia NLCS and that would be fine with me.
Three years ago I went 0-7 in predicting the series outcomes. Let’s see how bad I do this year.
Friday, October 02, 2009
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