Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Rolla Update

So if I were in Vegas, I would have won some money. The student in question is Indian and had apparently just enrolled in the MS Civil program in the fall. The white powder he was holding turned out to be powdered sugar. Authorities in this case are strongly leaning toward this as a “suicide by cop” incident. Unfortunately, very little about this story comes as a surprise to me given the culture of the university.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Miner Scare

So apparently there was a terrorist incident at my university today. CNN is reporting that a grad student was making threats and claimed to have both a bomb and anthrax. 23 people are in quarantine due to exposure to a white powder and the police are currently holding the student in question.

Despite Rolla’s fairly well established bio-chem program, I doubt the material was truly anthrax. More likely it is some other powder (although not necessarily inert). Now, having bomb-making materials is very possible at Rolla. Wires, timers and potent chemicals are all over the campus and could be gathered with relative ease, especially by a grad student with full access to certain buildings.

Police have not released any information about the student except to say that he is a foreign grad student. Given my knowledge of ratios, I would say there is a high probability that he is of Indian decent, although I’m not going to jump up and say that this might be an Islamic terrorist incident. At the moment it seems more likely to be a case of deep depression over grades (something that happens a lot at Rolla). If this had been a case of true terrorism, I believe the student would have been apprehended trying to plant a bomb in the nuclear reactor on campus rather than with anthrax in the Civil building. I imagine security has been beefed up there, but the idea of spreading radioactive material over several blocks would be a very tempting target for a terrorist.

Still, it does give one pause and keep an open eye towards events happening in places that I am very familiar with.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Death by Oscar

Apparently Mrs. X and I didn’t even make it to the halfway point of last night’s Oscars. We threw in the towel and turned off the lights a little after 10:15 when they started that montage on foreign films. The only Oscar that Mrs. X was interested in was Best Supporting Actress and I was only interested in the “In Memorandum” segment. Neither of us got to see what we were interested in. Instead, we had to parade through a boring siege of behind the scenes Oscars, all for movies that we had not seen. Our sprits were lifted a little when we saw Alan Arkin win Best Supporting Actor. We had actually seen “Little Miss Sunshine” (and found it very amusing) and we hoped we were getting into the meat of the show. But it drug out even more.

One columnist stated that they thought the ratings might be bad enough to get the show bumped over to cable (like on E!) but I think it’ll take a few more years of no one caring for that to happen. After all, what’s the point of cutting off boring speeches for the sake of time, if you’re going to fill that time with inane, unfunny crap? Going over a couple of the liveblogs of the event, it seems like I’m not the only one who thinks so.

Meanwhile, I’ve seen very little enthusiasm for the results. In fact, most things that I’ve seen on-line reflect an extreme ambivalence towards “The Departed” winning best picture. I think that’s because everyone knows that this was a “reward Marty” moment, despite the fact that it was not a great movie and certainly not up to the standards of Raging Bull or Goodfellas. I might also note that I have no intention of seeing this movie as I’ve seen Scoresese’s last two attempts to win an Oscar and both stunk in my opinion (Aviator and Gangs of New York).

So, unless there is a movie that I take a particular rooting interest in (and I don’t see one on the horizon) maybe I’ll just go to bed early during next year’s Oscars.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Schrute-isms

Since I haven't been able to come up with an interesting post in a while, I thought I would post a list of Schrute-isms that I found. Dwight is probably the most amusing charater on The Office and I get a little chuckle when I read these:

1) Remember on Lost when they met The Others?

2) Jim: Hey, Dwight. As sempai, do you ever think there's going to be a day when humans and robots can peacefully coexist?
Dwight: Impossible, in the way they're programmed... You're mocking me.

3) You can't fire me. I don't work for you in the VAN.

4) I was out last night getting drunk with my Laser Tag team…

5) Dwight: I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I could lower it.

6) It is blood that moves the wheels of history (much fist pumping and podium pounding included)

7) That is the law, according to the rules.

8) It has to be official, and it has to be urine.

9) Pam: Nice tux Dwight.
Dwight: Thanks. It was my grandfather's. He was buried in it.

10) This is not Kelly Kapoor story-hour! Your ass is on the line, mister! My ass is on the line!

11) Dwight: Can I have a gun?
Security Guard: No, I don't have a gun.
Dwight: Okay, I'll have to bring in my bo-staff.

12) Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most.

13) A thirty-year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls... so you couldn't hear the other dead people.

14) Dwight: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim: OK, Whoa, alright 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight: Uh, Leprosy? Flesh Eating Bacteria. Hot Dog Fingers. Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection?

15) In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild healthcare is 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me, and I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.

16) Dwight: Uh, knock please. Please knock. This is an office.
Jim: It says 'workspace'.
Dwight: Same thing.
Jim: If it's the same thing then why'd you write 'workspace'?
Dwight: Just knock, please. Okay? A sign of respect for a superior.
Jim: You are not my superior.
Dwight: Oh gee, then why do I have an office?
Jim: I thought it was a workspace.

17) ID badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I were deranged?

18) Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not at all. That's the game: convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves. That's politics baby. Get what you can out of someone, then crush them. I think Jim might've learned a very valuable lesson.

19) I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.

20) Question, where can I put my terrarium?

21) I don't believe you. Continue.

22) The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

23) My father's name was Dwight Shrute. My grandfather's name was Dwight Shrute. His father name... Dwide Shrude. Amish.

24) So you got the fax? So why didn't you add it to the res…? What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant. Oh, excuse me! I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Uh, yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence. Well, you know what? You can go to hell too. And I will see you there...burning. Fine! Okay, wait. So you'll let me know when you've made a decision?

25) I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are...at vision.

26) There wasn't the Long Ranger, and Tonto and Bonto.

27) Do you think this is a good idea Jim; a hide a key rock?

28) Shirts on or off?

29) When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

30) Me and Michael are like Mozart...and Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy… You mess with Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head. Courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

31) My middle name is NOT fart...

32) Do you wanna die? DO YOU WANNA DIE?

33) Four years of malfeasance unreported, THIS CANNOT STAND!

34) I am faster than 80% of all snakes.

35) I didn't become a Lackawanna county volunteer sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't.

36) Why should I tip someone for a job I am capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a Taxi. I can and do cut my own hair. However I did tip my urologist because I can't pulverize my own kidney stones.

37) One word, two syllables: DEMARCATION.

38) Otherwise, it's just malfeasance, for malfeasances' sake.

39) Oscar visited Mexico when he was 5 to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to a United States Law Enforcement Officer? He's a potential drug mule.

40) tit-for-tit

41) It is amazing how many yeast infections there are in this county. Probably because we live down the river... from that old bread factory.

42) Have you ever -- pooped -- a balloon?

43) And in conclusion, I think Lex Luthor said it best when he said, “Dad, you have no idea what I’m capable of.”

44) I can and will go to New Zealand and walk the trail to Mt. Doom.

45) Question. Do I still have my shoes?

46) Hey everyone, guess what they don't teach in business school: how to work a toaster oven.

47) Do you THINK, or do you KNOW?

48) What is the clitoris?

49) Codename Remax is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson.

50) Dwight: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis.
Jim: Sounds Tough.
Dwight: Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?

51) We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them. In that way we honor them.

52) Dwight: Let me give you a piece of advice, I am not afraid to make an example of you.
Jim: That's not advice, what advice sounds like is this, don't bring your purple belt to work, because someone might steal it.
Dwight: Jim, give that back it is not a toy. It is a message, to show everyone in the office that I am capable of physically dominating them.

53) That is defacement of company property, so you better tell me. Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less.

54) Keep your acceptance speeches short. I have wrap-it-up music and I'm not afraid to use it.

55) As a volunteer sheriff's deputy, I've been doing surveillance for years. One time, I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out, she was. With a couple of guys, actually. So... Mystery solved.

56) Here, let me take you from behind...

57) Where were you? And don't say the bathroom, cause I kicked in all of the stalls.

58) Dwight: This is the most important day of the year. I can't risk anything.
Angela: Fine.
Dwight: What about that meeting, later, to discuss finances?
Angela: Yes. But don't expect any cookie.
Dwight: But what if I'm hungry?
Angela: No cookie.

59) Michael: Dwight, what are you doing here?
Dwight: You said that for when Darryl comes you want me here for protection.

60) The perfect girl for me would be Konikotaka. She was orphaned at age 10 when her parents were assassinated, and she was taken in by a wealthy, but very cruel, businessman. So she secretly practiced aikido for YEARS until she could avenge the death of her parents. She's also a survivor of monster rape.

61) Dwight: Excuse me. I’m sorry, but that’s not all it takes to be a hero.
Mr. Brown: Great. What is a hero to you?
Dwight: A hero kills people. People that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster. And must be avenged.
Mr. Brown: Okay, you’re thinking of a superhero.
Dwight: We all have a hero in our heart.

62) You're going to give me this raise. I deserve this raise. The least you could do is keep my salary consistent with inflation...wakaw...yes! Why are you going to give me this raise? Why? Because I'm awesome, I'm awesome.

63) You may refer to me as Mr. Shrute.

64) The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, the women would bear many children. So we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter, and there weren't enough grains for vegetables, they would get the weakest of the brood. (laughs) No, they didn't eat the children... It never came to that.

65) Don't worry Michael; I'm taking us to shore

66) Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it, and then you have to tame it, keep it happy, care for it, feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

67) Dwight: It's a terrible idea.
Jim: What is?
Dwight: Them when they're all together. If they stay in there too long they're gonna get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing.

68) You have walked the long lonely walk of loneliness.

69) I know this Russian website you can download songs for a penny but their all in Russian.

70) Aw man! Am I a woman?

71) Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets... Christmas.

72) And like you have planted this beet seed in the ground I am going to plant my seed in you.

73) When I die I want to be frozen and if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that know what hold he had me in.

74) Get a knife and cut in all the way around the throat and make sure you have a bucket for the blood, innards, and feathers!

75) I can travel anywhere, except Cuba

76) Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? - no, frankly I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? ...you tell me.

77) You must be PMSing really bad, huh?

78) How would I describe myself? Three words — hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.

79) 2 hours of personal paintball lessons with me is worth easily like 2 grand.

80) There needs to be another plague.

81) You never know when you're going to be attacked by a grizzly bear.

82) I look forward to downsizing; in fact I requested it in my interview.

83) I am 99% sure that is not the real Ben Franklin. I don’t care what Jim says.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Super Bowl Thoughts

And so the 2006 football season comes to an end. Hats off to the Indianapolis Colts. They finally got over the hump and it couldn’t happen to a nicer group of guys. Plus, I have no animosity towards them they way I did Pittsburgh last year.

Overall it was a good game. I remember after Devin Hester ran the opening kickoff back, I remarked to Mrs. X that Ohio St. ran the opening kick back against Florida and that didn’t help them too much. Chicago stayed in it longer than they should have, mostly due to sloppy play by the Colts offense and the emotional buoy that Chicago had in the opening quarter. Towards the end of the second quarter and into the third quarter, you started to get the sense that Indy was inevitably grinding the Bears down and that victory was assured.

I think the key moment of the game came about halfway through the third quarter. Chicago finally got the ball back after Indy had gone up 19-14. Grossman lays a nice pass into Muhammad, setting up a second and 1 close to midfield. I was expecting a run and was waiting to see Chicago drive hard into the Colts defense, which was starting to soften against the run. Instead, Grossman drops back (I’m guessing for an attempt at the long bomb) and gets sacked for an 11-yard loss. At that moment, the little bit of momentum that Chicago had been building, died. Third down would have to be a long pass (easy for Indy to defend) and Chicago’s exhausted defense would be out on the field again, vainly trying to stop the Colts from bleeding the rest of the third quarter away.

In that one sack, the Bears lost any real opportunity to rely heavily on the run game and Grossman felt the pressure that the Bears had tried so hard to keep off of him. Result, he panics when the Bears fall behind by 8 and squanders good field position, leaving the Bears with a field goal. Panic rising in the 4th quarter (although they were only down by 5), Grossman throws deep jump balls in a desperate attempt to get the Bears back in the game. Both throws were picked off.

In the end, I enjoyed the game, although I think the MVP award should have been split between Joseph Addai and Dominic Rhodes. They were the true back breakers and I think that if it were a single running back, he would have won the MVP. But since they split very evenly, the voters just gave it to Peyton, which is fine, since no one really cares who the MVP of the game is.

Now to the commercials. Every Super Bowl, the costs go up and the quality of writing goes down. I was deeply disappointed by Fed Ex, who usually has very good commercials. Budweiser did have a decent one at the beginning with the Rock, Paper, Scissors, but the rest of them were not that memorable (although the crab one was a worth a chuckle). The Careerbuilders trilogy was funnier once you saw the concept (I liked the gladiator one best) although the first one was a bit of a headscratcher. The Emerald Nuts one was weird, but funny as well. The Blockbuster Mouse commercial was amusing as well, although it did require the recycling of the rabbit and guinea pig from previous commercials.

Rating my top three, I would go as follows:
1) Careerbuilder.com Gladiator Promotion Pit (second spot)
2) Budweiser Rock/Paper/Scissors
3) Emerald Nuts Robert Goulet attacks

Movie Quiz

I stole this from Mrs. X. Its a recent movie quiz and if you've seen 85 or more of the 200+ movies listed, you have no life. I think we already knew that:

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
Total: 6

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) AnchorMan
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) Saw III
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 10

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 15

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
( ) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 21

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
( ) Robots
Total so far: 24

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG (remake)
Total so far: 25

( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
( ) Flubber
Total so far: 27

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 28

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 30

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Sleven
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 34

(x) Independence Day
(x) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 39

( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 46

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
( ) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
( ) Freaky Friday (remake)
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 55

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street (remake)
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) The Glass House
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 56

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x)Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x)Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x)Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 62

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
(x) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 63

(x) Mean Girls
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 67

(x) Sleepy Hollow
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Drumline
( ) Hocus Pocus
Total so far: 70

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) Uptown Girls
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 73

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
(x) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
(x) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 81

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Snakes on A Plane
( ) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Final Total: 88 – I have no life.

I would try to defend myself by arguing that many of these were seen when I was dating "She who must not be named" or even earlier, but the fact that I can say that I've seen part of many of other movies on this list leaves little room for argument.